Ink

Nate Scoble "You Want To Know"

Chillin’ out, trying to rest up (with marginal success). Haven’t been the most productive, though I have been able to test out Mario Kart Wii – I call it therapeutic research.

Working on a short story – in the urban fable motif. Hoping it will join several other ideas in a series around the same characters / locales.

I like the story, but it feels like all the dialog is:

JO
How long ‘till your pals show up?

The boy pulled a cellphone from his pocket and glanced at it. No messages.

BOY
Uh, I’m not sure. Soon, I bet.

JO
What did they say?

She cupped her hand against the glass to watch the big greaser more clearly. His eyes constantly roamed the street, never resting.

BOY
Um, they said they’d tell the Crow King, and he’d decide.

JO
The Crow King?

Which is probably fine, as I’m introducing the reader to the elements as Jo learns them. But goddamn, it feels like call/response, call/response, call/response all through the piece. (or Q/A, Q/A, Q/A if you prefer).

There’s some names I’m unhappy with, and the end doesn’t quite work, but overall I’m happy with it.

We’ll see if that remains true after Dev reads & criticizes it.

(the image here comes from my brother Nate’s gallery)


One Response to “Ink”

  1. Jesse Scoble » Script Review Says:

    […] talking about his script (or so it seemed to me), but that’s fine. My work – for True Ink – is in fairly solid shape for a second draft. I expect it will change a little before […]

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Posted in Big Smoke, Urban Fables, Writing on August 25, 2008 by Jesse
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Jesse Scoble

Jesse Scoble is a writer, story editor, and game designer in no particular order.

He has won awards, written a Western Horror script, worked on computer games & pen&paper games, contributed to more than 30 titles, and makes a mean mojito.

Currently he is a freelance writer in Montreal, QC.